Wednesday, June 27, 2007

12 Steps of Non-Recovery

1) We admitted we were powerless over nothing, that we would manage our lives perfectly and those of anyone else who would allow us to.

2) Came to believe there was no power greater than ourselves and that the rest of the world was insane.

3) Made a decision to have our loved ones and friends turn their will and their lives over to our care even though they couldn't understand us.

4) Made a searching moral and immoral inventory of everyone we knew.

5) Admitted to the whole world the exact nature of everyone else's wrongs.

6) Were entirely ready to make others straighten up and do right.

7) Demanded other to either shape up or ship out.

8) Made a list of all persons who had harmed us and became willing to go to any length to get even with them all.

9) Got direct revenge on such people whenever possible, except when to do so would cost us our lives, or at the very least a jail sentence.

10) Continued to take the inventory of others and when they were wrong promptly and repeatedly told them about it.

11) Sought through complaining and nagging to improve our relations with others as we couldn't understand them asking only that they knuckle under and do it our way.

12) Having had a complete physical, emotional, and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame it on others and to get sympathy and pity in all of our affairs.

Great Quotes

I have to start walking out of step with my situation, and start walking in step with my destiny.
-- Anonymous

We need to be prepared for what God has choosen for me to do.
-- Anonymous

Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least.
-- Goethe

What lies before us & lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-- Oliver Wendle Holmes

We are not human beings living a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings living a human experience.
-- Anonymous

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Bitter Sweet

Four years ago today I started a new volume of my life, by going to rehab, and in less than 10 hours I will celebrate four continuous years of sobriety. In those four years chapters and chapters of my life have been written. However looking back on those chapters, I can't help to feel that the journey is bitter sweet.

Bitter because of the multitudes of individuals that started out on this journey with me, few have remained faithful and stayed on the path. Some have wandered of to test the waters of life, only to come back with a new resolve. Some have veered off, and have yet to return. And some, painfully to say, have left only to loose their lives. Yet, thankfully, others have stayed true to themselves and the path and have not wavered, thus celebrating yet another year with them makes it so sweet.

Contemplating this just makes me wonder why have I been so blessed. In retrospect I feel that it has it's foundation in willingness. When I arrived at rehab I was unwilling to stay sober. I was only willing to clean up my life enough so that I would have the law, and my family off my back. I just wished to regain my standing in the community, and my health, and then go back to my life as I knew it. However as I got introduced to the sober lifestyle and recognized it was truly not as bad as I thought my willingness grew and grew until I was willing to go to any length. The final keystone in my willingness was when I truly accepted the fact that I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable.

However willingness will only get you so far. As one author put it: "If willingness is the key to unlock the gates of hell, it is action that opens those doors so that we may walk freely among the living." Thankfully when I became willing to go to any length there was a plethora of individuals that had been walking the spiritual and sober path much longer than I. These old-timers, and elder statesmen showed me what actions were necessary for victory over alcohol and drugs, thus allowing me to truly open those gates wide so I may now walk with my head held high, freely among the living. Again some are still with us, some have passed on to the big meeting in the sky. Sharing yet another celebration of yet another year with all of them excites me, and humbles me. Making me be hopeful that I can return the favor one day and be in their shoes to carry the message to the next man or woman who starts on a new path of life.