Thought for the Day

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Where do Redheaded Babies Come From?

After their baby was born,the panicked father went to

see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man
said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset

because my daughter has red hair. She
can't possibly be mine!!'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your
wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have
contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be,
our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex??? '






The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very
hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice
every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.

'It's rust.'

Wisdom

"Simply put, knowledge corresponds to the past...it is (like) technology. Wisdom is the future, it is (like) philosophy...it is people's hearts that moves the age. While knowledge may provide a useful point of reference it cannot become a force to guide the future. By contrast, wisdom captivates people's hearts and has the power to open a new age. Wisdom is the key to understanding the age, creating the time."
-- Daisaku Ikeda

Irish Humor

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night..

Mick, the bartender, finally says "You've had yer fill, you'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then".

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"What the...." he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again! "Drat!" he says.

He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the door and get some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus... I'm soused," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for it.

He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and looks inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No flappin' way". But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and thinks, "I think I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face again.

He says, "This is hell. I gotta stop drinking," but manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.

The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally pissfaced. But how'd you know?"

"Mick called... You left your wheelchair at the pub."

5 life-changing keys to overcoming your fear by HENRIK EDBERG

What is stopping you from getting what you want in life?

Your friends?

Your family?

A sense that failure – or success – might change your life and that feeling uncomfortable?

A sense that the people around you might disapprove of you aiming for what you want, of you succeeding or failing.

Essentially it boils down to fear. The big roadblock, sometimes the massive wall in the middle of road that keeps you from getting what you want.

How to overcome it? Here´s some useful ways I have found so far.

1. Taking small steps

This is good for fear that can seem overwhelming at first. For instance the strong feeling – it can almost feel like a flight or fight-response – just before doing public speaking or asking someone out for a date. If you´re for instance nervous socially you might not feel able to ask people out on dates right away. The fear of being rejected and that others might think less of you if you get turned down can make many of us feel unable to ask the question.

A solution is to take small steps instead. Steps like first just saying hi to people. Or starting to talk more to people online via forums and Instant Messaging. And then trying to be more involved in conversations to exercise your conversation-muscles. I guess one could say that you gradually de-sensitize yourself to social situations or whatever you are afraid of. Or, seeing it in a more motivating way, building courage and expanding your comfort zone in this part of your life (which is something that often bleeds over to other areas of life too.)

So, identify your fear. Then make a plan with some smaller steps you can take to gradually lessen your discomfort.

2. Getting some concrete, positive motivation

Getting to the stage where you really feel that you need to stop waiting – or need stop reading one personal development book after another – and take action can take some time. One way to get moving is to replace some of your negative thoughts – that creates negative feelings – with clear, positive reasons to get going.

Take 5 minutes. Take out a pice of paper and a pen. And write down all the wonderful ways you can come up with how making this change will improve your life.

Lack of motivation can get you stuck while contemplating how much your life sucks. If you don´t become clear on you motivation it can become hard to get going and knowing why you are actually need to change.

Writing down all the wonderful things you will gain in your life by overcoming this fear can be powerful. Focus on those positive things to get motivated and inspired. Revisit your page of paper when you feel discouraged, uncomfortable or afraid. Even if it loses it´s inspiring effect gradually, it can be the initial trigger to unstick you. The spark to get you started to take those first actions that sends you into an upward-spiral of thought and action.

3. Seeing failure and rejection in a new light

Often it´s easier to not do something because we fear failure and rejection. We may fear failure when starting on a new career-path. And rejection from friends, family and the people around us if we fail. Or we might be afraid of being rejected when asking someone out.

However, as I have written before, the definition of failure we are brought up with in society might not be the best and most useful to have. If you look at the most successful people you quickly notice that they have a different response to failure than the more common one.

They don´t take failure or rejection that seriously. They know it´s not the end of the world if they fail. Instead they look at each failure and see the good part about: what they can learn from it and improve next time.

They have an abundance-mentality. They know that if their first business-venture fails it feels like crap for a while but it´s ok in the long run. They learn from it and then they try again.

If they are rejected for date, do they give up? Probably not. They know that next week or the week after they might find someone else that´s interesting and ask them out.

They know that there are a lot of good people out there. That there are a lot of good business opportunities out there. But they have also learned that to become successful at anything you have to fail perhaps 5, 10, 20 times or more.

The morning of day when you learned to ride a bike you fell of it time and time again. But you just brushed yourself of, perhaps cried for minutes or two and then you got up on the bike again. And towards the afternoon, or the next day, you probably started to become pretty good at riding your bike.

The same applies here. You have work on your skills to sharpen them. See failure or rejection not as something incredible negative that might end your life if it strikes. Redefine it in your mind to lessen the negative emotional impact and the fear. See failure simply as feedback on what you need to improve on. Listen to the advice the failure gives you and you will improve. And success will come.

If you fear what other may think about you if you fail, take a look at Why you should not compare yourself to others for some thoughts on the need for validation from others.

4. Being in the now

What this means is to keep yourself steadily in the now. Not letting your thoughts and emotions run away to the future or the past. That doesn´t mean that you don´t make plans, of course. You might think about asking someone out. You make plans on when to do it or perhaps what to say.

But being in the now means to not getting your mind stuck in a kind of psychological and emotional headspace that is placed in the past or future. It means not dwelling on what has gone wrong before and what could go wrong tonight or tomorrow. Such thinking will only create and ramp up your fear to the point where you feel unable to do anything. And just feel like running away.

Instead, make your plans. Then just be and don´t think about the future. Focus on the now and what needs to be done now. The future will be the now soon enough. And when you´re arrive there it will be much easier to get things done when you have created a minimal amount of stress and fear within your mind.

Whenever you feel fear, your mind is often dragged into a hypothetical, future scenario where you think you might fail. Your brain is over-analyzing a possible situation, which leads for many of us, to a negative, downward spiral of thoughts. This expands and empowers your fear to the point where you become almost paralyzed. So, how do you beat the fear in such situations?

You stop fighting. You surrender.

How to surrender:

Let me explain. By surrender, I don´t mean that you should give up and go home.

Instead, when you feel fear then accept the feeling. Don´t try to fight it or to keep it out (like many of us have learned throughout life).

Say yes to it.

Surrender and let it in.

Observe the feeling in your mind and body without labelling or judging it. If you let it in – for me the feeling then often seems physically locate itself to the middle of my chest - and just observe it for maybe a minute or two something wonderful happens. The feeling just vanishes.

I´ve mentioned this technique in several different articles already. And, yeah, I´m still amazed of how well it works.

As you surrender to the fear instead of fighting it the negative energy will pass through you and your body will release it. And you can return to focusing on the now once again.

Focusing on the now not only reduces fear but also increases the chances of you succeeding as your mind is focused, your confidence ain´t shattered and your thoughts become clear. It also makes it easier to succeed because when you are in the now you are not that self-conscious – something that quickly can lead to insecurity - but instead focused on the outside world and people you are interacting with.

I highly recommend reading the Power of Now and/or A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle to learn about more practical advice for being in the now. Both books are excellent and have, for me, been extremely revealing and helpful.

5. Redefining you, me and reality

To change yourself and overcoming fear you have to be prepared and willing to redefine yourself.

You have to be willing to try these things out for yourself and keep practising. No one can do it for you. But if you do that you can make what may seem to you to be big progress pretty quickly. And when you get used to it and these things become more and more habitual you will start to do them naturally.

But since it seems that just about everyone is addicted to their own personality, consistent change in behaviour will still probably be kinda slow and gradual (with some epiphanies).

An addiction to positivity can lessen the fear in your mind of what might happen in a new, unfamiliar situation or how someone might respond to what you are saying. A negative view of the world can create fear and hold you back. But if you, for instance, become more positive – try the Positivity Challenge! - many of the people you meet will respond in a similar manner. In general, no matter how you think about the world, people are often like a somewhat of a mirror for you.

Change will be hard if you deep down still think: I am this shy or negative or scared person. “That´s just who I am”, you tell yourself. “Always have been, always will be”. And will be the truth for you as long as you think it´s the truth. If you are prepared and ready to change, you can however rewrite what you perceive as the truth about yourself and your personality, thoughts, actions and emotions.

Something I´ve recently started to think about and apply is what´s called Subjective Reality. Although I don´t fully understand it yet – I think – basically what it means is that there is no separation on the world. There is no you and I separated from each other (like in the more common worldview many of us are accustomed to).

Instead we are one.

You might not fully understand it or internalize it – I haven´t yet – but just going into a conversation with perspective that you and the other(s) are connected and really just one can be very useful.

When you apply this perspective on the world it’s a lot harder feeling fear. Or being mean or unkind. Just like it´s hard to do those things to yourself. Without the perspective of separation it seems like you – almost automatically - become calmer, kinder, less fearful and more open. It feels like you are naturally connected to the rest of the world.

Steve Pavlina has written a lot about Subjective Reality, so if you want to explore that further I recommend this link.

As for now and for me, I am focusing mainly on numbers 4 and 5. And I believe I´m just beyond getting started. I can probably deepen the understanding and application of those two points for months and years. A replacing such deeply - socially and habitually - ingrained beliefs and ways of thinking will probably take some time.

So, I´ll get back to my thoughts on and experiences with fear in the future.

Now, what are your tips for overcoming fear?

Idiot

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
-- Mark Twain

Thought For The Day

I know that this piece is a long one but I know that it works. It has worked for me before and although I 'fell off the wagon' it will work for me again!

The Seven Day Mental Diet

How to change your life (and the world) in a week

by Emmet Fox

The subject of diet is one of the foremost topics of the present day in public interest. Newspapers and magazines teem with articles on the subject. The counters of the bookshops are filled with volumes unfolding the mysteries of proteins, starches, vitamins, and so forth. just now the whole world is food-conscious. Experts on the subject are saying that physically you become the thing that you eat that your whole body is really composed of the food that you have eaten in the past. What you eat today, they say, will be in your bloodstream after the lapse of so many hours, and it is your blood-stream that builds all the tissues composing your body -and there you are.

Of course, no sensible person has any quarrel with all this. It is perfectly true, as far as it goes, and the only surprising thing is that it has taken the world so long to find it out; but in this pamphlet I am going to deal with the subject of dieting at a level that is infinitely more profound and far reaching in its effects. I refer of course to mental dieting.

The most important of all factors in your life is the mental diet on which you live. It is the food which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life. It is the thoughts you allow yourself to think, the subjects that you allow your mind to dwell upon, which make you and your surroundings what they are. As they days, so shall they strength be. Everything in your life today the state of your body, whether healthy or sick, the state of your fortune, whether prosperous or impoverished, the state of your home, whether happy or the reverse, the present condition of every phase of your life in fact-is entirely conditioned by the thoughts and feelings which you have entertained in the past, by the habitual tone of your past thinking. And the condition of your life tomorrow, and next week, and next year, will be entirely conditioned by the thoughts and feelings which you choose to entertain from now onwards.

In other words, you choose your life, that is to say, you choose all the conditions of your life, when you choose the thoughts upon which you allow your mind to dwell. Thought is the real causative force in life, and there is no other. You cannot have one kind of mind and another kind of environment. This means that you cannot change your environment while leaving your mind unchanged, nor-and this is the supreme key to life and the reason for this pamphlet -can you change your mind without your environment changing too.

This then is the real key to life: if you change your mind your conditions must change too- your body must change, your daily work or other activities must change; your home must change; the color-tone of your whole life must change-for whether you be habitually happy and cheerful, or low-spirited and fearful, depends entirely on the quality of the mental food upon which you diet yourself.

Please be very clear about this. If you change your mind your conditions must change too. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds. So now you will see that your mental diet is really the most important thing in your whole life.

This may be called the Great Cosmic Law, and its truth is seen to be perfectly obvious when once it is clearly stated in this way. In fact, I do not know of any thoughtful person who denies its essential truth. The practical difficulty in applying it, however, arises from the fact that our thoughts are so close to us that it is difficult, without a little practice, to stand back as it were and look at them objectively.

Yet that is just what you must learn to do. You must train yourself to choose the subject of your thinking at any given time, and also to choose the emotional tone, or what we call the mood that colors it. Yes, you can choose your moods. Indeed, if you could not you would have no real control over your life at all. Moods habitually entertained produce the characteristic disposition of the person concerned, and it is his disposition that finally makes or mars a person's happiness.

You cannot be healthy; you cannot be happy; you cannot be prosperous; if you have a bad disposition. If you are sulky, or surly, or cynical, or depressed, or superior, or frightened half out of your wits, your life cannot possibly be worth living. Unless you are determined to cultivate a good disposition, you may as well give up all hope of getting anything worth while out of life, and it is kinder to tell you very plainly that this is the case.

If you are not determined to start in now and carefully select all day the kind of thoughts that you are going to think, you may as well give up all hope of shaping your life into the kind of thing that you want it to be, because this is the only way.

In short, if you want to make your life happy and worth while, which is what God wishes you to make it, you must begin immediately to train yourself in the habit of thought selection and thought control. This will be exceedingly difficult for the first few days, but if you persevere you will find that it will become rapidly easier, and it is actually the most interesting experiment that you could possibly make. In fact, this thought control is the most thrillingly interesting hobby that anyone could take up. You will be amazed at the interesting things that you will learn about yourself, and you will get results almost from the beginning.

Now many people knowing this truth, make sporadic efforts from time to time to control their thoughts, but the thought stream being so close) as I have pointed outs and the impacts from outside so constant and varied, they do not make very much progress. That is not the way to work. Your only chance is definitely to form a new habit of thought which will carry you through when you are preoccupied or off your guard as well as when you are consciously attending to the business. This new thought habit must be definitely acquired, and the foundation of it can be laid within a few days, and the way to do it is this: Make up your mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought, and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that. If you will do so, then that week will be the most significant week in your whole life. It will literally be the turning point for you. If you will do so, it is safe to say that your whole life will change for the better. In fact, nothing can possibly remain the same. This does not simply mean that you will be able to face your present difficulties in a better spirit; it means that the difficulties will go. This is the scientific way to Alter Your Life, and being in accordance with the Great Law it cannot fail. Now do you realize that by working in this way you do not have to change conditions? What happens is that you apply the Law, and then the conditions change spontaneously. You cannot change conditions directly you have often tried to do so and failed but go on the seven day mental diet and conditions must change for you.

This then is your prescription. For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. You must watch yourself for a whole week as a cat watches a mouse, and you must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind. This discipline will be so strenuous that you could not maintain it consciously for much more than a week, but I do not ask you to do so. A week will be enough, because by that time the habit of positive thinking will begin to be established. Some extraordinary changes for the better will have come into your life, encouraging you enormously, and then the future will take care of itself. The new way of life will be so attractive and so much easier than the old way that you will find your mentality aligning itself almost automatically.

But the seven days are going to be strenuous. I would not have you enter upon this without counting the cost. Mere physical fasting would be child's play in comparison, even if you have a very good appetite. The most exhausting form of army gymnastics, combined with thirty mile route marches, would be mild in comparison with this undertaking. But it is only for one week in your life, and it will definitely alter everything for the better. For the rest of your life here, for all eternity in fact, things will be utterly different and inconceivably better than if you had not carried through this undertaking.

Do not start it lightly. Think about it for a day or two before you begin. Then start in, and the grace of God go with you. You may start it any day in the week, and at any time in the day, first thing in the morning, or after breakfast, or after lunch, it does not matter, but once you do start you must go right through for the seven days. That is essential. The whole idea is to have seven days of-unbroken mental discipline in order to get the mind definitely bent in a new direction once and for all.

If you make a false start, or even if you go in well for two or three days and then for any reason "fall off" the diet, the thing to do is to drop the scheme altogether for several days, and then to start again afresh. There must be no jumping on and off, as it were. You remember that Rip Van Winkle in the play would take a solemn vow of teetotalism, and then promptly accept a drink from the first neighbor who offered him one, saying calmly: "I won't count this one." Well, on the seven day mental diet this sort of thing simply will not do. you must positively count every lapse, and whether you do or not, nature will. where there is a lapse you must go off the diet altogether and then start again.

Now, in order, if possible, to forestall difficulties, I will consider them in a little detail.

First of all, what do I mean by negative thinking? Well, a negative thought is any thought of failure, disappointment, or trouble; any thought of criticism, or spite, or jealousy, or condemnation of others, or self condemnation; any thought of sickness or accident; or, in short, any kind of limitation or pessimistic thinking. Any thought that is not positive and constructive in character, whether it concerns you yourself or anyone else, is a negative thought. Do not bother too much about the question of classification, however; in practice you will never have any trouble in knowing whether a given thought is positive or negative. Even if your brain tries to deceive you, your heart will whisper the truth.

Second, you must be quite clear that what this scheme calls for is that you shall not entertain, or dwell upon negative things. Note this carefully. It is not the thought that come to you that matter, but only such of them as you choose to entertain and dwell upon. It does not matter what thoughts may come to you provided you do not entertain them. It is the entertaining or dwelling upon them that matters. Of course, many negative thoughts will come to you all day long. Some of them will just drift into your mind of their own accord seemingly, and these come to you out of the race mind. Other negative thoughts will be given to you by other people, either in conversation or by their conduct, or you will hear disagreeable news perhaps by letter or telephone, or you will see crimes and disasters announced in the newspaper headings. These things, however, do not matter as long as you do not entertain them. In fact, it is these very things that provide the discipline that is going to transform you during this epoch making week. The thing to do is, directly the negative thought presents itself - turn it out. Turn away from the newspaper; turn out the thought of the unkind letter, or stupid remark, or what not. When the negative thought floats into your mind, immediately turn it out and think of something else. Best of all, think of God as explained in The Golden Key perfect analogy is furnished by the case of a man who is sitting by an open fire when a red hot cinder flies out and falls on his sleeve. If he knocks that cinder off at once, without a moment's delay to think about it, no harm is done. But if he allows it to rest on him for a single moment, under any pretense, the mischief is done, and it will be a troublesome task to repair that sleeve. So it is with a negative thought.

Now what of those negative thoughts and conditions which it is impossible to avoid at the point where you are today? What of the ordinary troubles that you will have to meet in the office or a home? The answer is, that such things will not affect your diet provided that you do not accept them, by fearing them, by believing them, by being indignant or sad about them, or by giving them any power at all. Any negative condition that duty compels you to handle will not affect your diet. Go to the office, or meet the cares at home, without allowing them to affect you. (None of these things move me) and all will be well. Suppose that you are lunching with a friend who talks negatively-Do not try to shut him up or otherwise snub him. Let him talk, but do not accept what he says, and your diet will not be affected. Suppose that on coming home you are greeted with a lot of negative conversation-do not preach a sermon, but simply do not accept it. It is your mental consent, remember, that constitutes your diet. Suppose you witness an accident or an act of injustice let us say Instead of reacting with pity or indignation, refuse to accept the appearance at its face value; do anything that you can to right matters, give it the right thought and let it go at that. You will still be on the diet.

Of course, it will be very helpful if you can take steps to avoid meeting during this week anyone who seems particularly likely to arouse the devil in you. People who get on your nerves, or rub you up the wrong way, or bore you, are better avoided while you are on the diet; but if it is not possible to avoid them, then you must take a little extra discipline that is all.

Suppose that you have a particularly trying ordeal before you next week Well, if you have enough spiritual understanding you will know how to meet that in the spiritual way; but, for our present purpose, I think I would wait and start the diet as soon as the ordeal is over. As I said before, do not take up the diet lightly, but think it over well first.

In closing, I want to tell you that people often find that the starting of this diet seems to stir up all sorts of difficulties. It seen is as though everything begins to go wrong at once. This may be disconcerting, but it is really a good sign. It means that things are moving; and is not that the very object we have in view? Suppose your whole world seems to rock on its foundations. Hold on steadily, let it rock, and when the rocking is over., the picture will have reassembled itself into something much nearer to your heart's desire.

The above point is vitally important and rather subtle. Do you not see that the very dwelling upon these difficulties is in itself a negative thought which has probably thrown you off the diet? The remedy is not, of course, to deny that your world is rocking in appearance, but to refuse to take the appearance for the reality (Judge not according to appearances but judge righteous judgment).

A closing word of caution-Do not tell anyone else that you are on the diet, or that you intend to go on it. Keep this tremendous project strictly to yourself. Remember that your soul should be the Secret Place of the Most High. When you have come through the seven days successfully, and secured your demonstration, allow a reasonable time to elapse to establish the new mentality, and then tell the story to anyone else who you think is likely to be helped by it.

And, finally, remember that nothing said or done by anyone else can possibly throw you off the diet. Only your own reaction to the other person's conduct can do that.

Adaptation

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
-- George Bernard Shaw

School's Out For Summer

Quote for the Day

"Imagine living in your head, untrue to your heart.
Imagine the pain of separation.
Imagine the depth of the longing for peace."
-G. Carol

Joke for the Day

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Thought For The Day

The Golden Key to Prayer

by Emmet Fox

I have compressed this essay into a few pages. Had it been possible I would have reduced it to as many lines. It is not intended to be an instructional treatise, but a practical recipe for getting out of trouble. Study and research are well in their own time and place, but no amount of either will get you out of a concrete difficulty. Nothing but practical work in your own consciousness will do that. The mistake made by many people, when things go wrong, is to skim through book after book, without getting anywhere.

Read The Golden Key several times. Do exactly what it says, and if you are persistent enough you will overcome any difficulty. -- Emmet Fox

Prayer will enable you, sooner or later, to get yourself, or anyone else, out of any difficulty on the face of the earth. It is the Golden Key to harmony and happiness.

To those who have no acquaintance with the mightiest power in existence, this may appear to be a rash claim, but it needs only a fair trial to prove that, without a shadow of doubt, it is a just one. You need take no one's word for it, and you should not. Simply try it for yourself, and see.
God is omnipotent, and man is His image and likeness, and has dominion over all things. This is the inspired teaching, and it is intended to be taken literally, at its face value. Man means every man, and so the ability to draw on this power is not the special prerogative of the mystic or the saint, as is so often supposed, or even of the highly trained practitioner. Whoever you are, wherever you may be, the Golden Key to harmony is in your hand now. This is because in scientific prayer it is God who works, and not you, and so your particular limitations or weaknesses are of no account in the process. You are only the channel through which the divine action takes place, and your treatment will really be just the getting of yourself out of the way. Beginners often get startling results at the first time of trying, for all that is absolutely essential is to have an open mind, and sufficient faith to try the experiment. Apart from that, you may hold any views on religion, or none.

As for the actual method of working, like all fundamental things, it is simplicity itself. All that you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead. This is the complete rule, and if only you will do this, the trouble, whatever it is, will presently disappear. It makes no difference what kind of trouble it is. It may be a big thing or a little thing; it may concern health, finance, a lawsuit, a quarrel, an accident, or anything else conceivable; but whatever it is, just stop thinking about it, and think of God instead -- that is all you have to do.
The thing could not be simpler, could it? God Himself could scarcely have made it simpler, and yet it never fails to work when given a fair trial.

Do not try to form a picture of God, which is impossible. Work by rehearsing anything or everything that you know about God. God is Wisdom, Truth, inconceivable Love. God is present everywhere; has infinite power; knows everything; and so on. It matters not how well you may think you understand these things; go over them repeatedly.

But you must stop thinking of the trouble, whatever it is. The rule is to think about God, and if you are thinking about your difficulty you are not thinking about God. To be continually glancing over your shoulder, as it were, in order to see how matters are progressing, is fatal, because that is thinking of the trouble, and you must think of God, and of nothing else. Your object is to drive the thought of the difficulty right out of your consciousness, for a few moments at least, substituting for it the thought of God. This is the crux of the whole thing. If you can become so absorbed in this consideration of the spiritual world that you really forget for a while all about the trouble concerning which you began to pray, you will presently find that you are safely and comfortably out of your difficulty -- that your demonstration is made.

In order to "Golden Key" a troublesome person or a difficult situation, think, "Now I am going to 'Golden Key' John, or Mary, or that threatened danger"; then proceed to drive all thought of John, or Mary, or the danger right out of your mind, replacing it by the thought of God.
By working in this way about a person, you are not seeking to influence his conduct in any way, except that you prevent him from injuring or annoying you, and you do him nothing but good. Thereafter he is certain to be in some degree a better, wiser, and more spiritual person, just because you have "Golden Keyed" him. A pending lawsuit or other difficulty would probably fade out harmlessly without coming to a crisis, justice being done to all parties concerned.
If you find that you can do this very quickly, you may repeat the operation several times a day with intervals between. Be sure, however, each time you have done it, that you drop all thought of the matter until the next time. This is important.

We have said that the Golden Key is simple, and so it is, but, of course, it is not always easy to turn. If you are very frightened or worried it may be difficult, at first, to get your thoughts away from material things. But by constantly repeating some statement of absolute Truth that appeals to you, such as There is no power but God, or I am the child of God, filled and surrounded by the perfect peace of God, or God is love, or God is guiding me now, or, perhaps best and simplest of all, just God is with me -- however mechanical or dead it may seem at first -- you will soon find that the treatment has begun to "take," and that your mind is clearing. Do not struggle violently; be quiet but insistent. Each time that you find your attention wandering, just switch it straight back to God.

Do not try to think out in advance what the solution of your difficulty will probably turn out to be. This is technically called "outlining," and will only delay the demonstration. Leave the ques tion of ways and means strictly to God. You want to get out of your difficulty -- that is sufficient. You do your half, and God will never fail to do His.

"Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

Excuses

"Excuses change nothing but make everyone feel better."
-- Mason Cooley

Joke for the Day

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. '"oney," she said, "You received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.'

Thought for the Day

With a quickened step we hurry toward a challenge when empowered by love. Conversely, even the simplest of experiences have the power to fill us with dread when love is absent.

Expressed to a friend, a lover, even a stranger, love promises us unanticipated gifts. We're openly appreciated, the glow of warmth enfolds us, and we find even our courage is magically bolstered when we've shared ourselves in a loving way with someone.

With ease we may express love to children, touched by their vulnerability, certain we'll not be bruised by rejection. If only we'd continue our free expression of love to all the child adults on our paths, we'd discover both exhilaration and the courage to face any event life passes our way.

Quote for the Day

"Love is selfless, yet it exhilarates the self."
--Sue Atchley Ebaugh

Awesome!

Came to Believe

The moment they read Step Two, most people are confronted with a dilemma, sometimes a serious one. How often have we heard them cry out, "Look what you people have done to us! You have convinced us that we have a problem and that our lives are unmanageable. Having reduced us to a state of absolute helplessness, you now declare that none but a Higher Power can remove our obsession. Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle. Yes, you've got us over the barrel, all right--but where do we go from here?"

Let's look first at the case of the one who says he won't believe--the belligerent one. He is in a state of mind which can be described only as savage. His whole philosophy of life, in which he so gloried, is threatened. It's bad enough, he things, to admit his problems have him down for keeps. But now, still smarting from that admission, he is faced with something really impossible. How he does cherish the thought that man, risen so majestically from a single cell in the primordial ooze, is the spearhead of evolution and therefore the only god that his universe knows! Must he renounce all this to save himself?

At this juncture, his friend usually laughs. This, the newcomer thinks, is just about the last straw. This is the beginning of the end. And so it is: the beginning of the end of his old life, and the beginning of his emergence into a new one. His friend probably says, "Take it easy. The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think. At least I've found it so. So did a friend of mine who was a one-time vice-president of the American Atheist Society, but he got through with room to spare."

"Well," says the newcomer, "I know you're telling me the truth. It's no doubt a fact that the world is full of people who once believed as I do. But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow 'take it easy'? That's what I want to know."

"That," agrees the friend, "is a very good question indeed. I think I can tell you exactly how to relax. You won't have to work at it very hard, either. Listen, if you will, to these three statements. First, we do not demand that you believe anything. All of our principles are but suggestions. Second, to change your life, you don't have to swallow all of Step Two right now. Looking back, I find that I took it piecemeal myself. Third, all you really need is a truly open mind. Just resign from the debating society and quit bothering yourself with such deep questions as whether it was the hen or the egg that came first. Again I say, all you need is the open mind."

The friend continues, "Take, for example, my own case. I had a scientific schooling. Naturally I respected, venerated, even worshiped science. As a matter of fact, I still do--all except the worship part. Time after time, my instructors held up to me the basic principle of all scientific progress: search and research, again and again, always with the open mind. When I first looked at this concept my reaction was just like yours. This business, I thought, is totally unscientific. This I can't swallow. I simply won't consider such nonsense."

"Then I woke up. I had to admit that this way of life showed results, prodigious results. I saw that my attitude regarding these had been anything but scientific. It wasn't this program that had the closed mind, it was me. The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I cam to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of this program as enthusiastically as I could."

"This is only one man's opinion based on his own experience, of course. I must quickly assure you that many tread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don't care for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discover one that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man like you has begun to solve the problem by the method of substitution. You can, if you wish, make this program itself your 'higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their problem. In this respect they are certainly a power greater than you, who have not even come close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them. Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will find many members who have crossed the threshold just this way. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith broadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obsession, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talk of God."

--Adapted from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Pages 25-28

Order

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."
--Confucius

Wisconsin Tractor Pull

I'm not sure, but, I think I've seen EVERYTHING now!!!

 

Lightning

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.

As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school.

As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her 'What are you doing?'

The child answered, 'I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.'

Extremes

"This woman did not fly to extremes, she lived there."
-- Quentin Crisp

Act of Patriotism

Every once in a while you see a simple act of patriotism that just fills your heart with so much pride that you get lumps in your throat:

What can I say.............?

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Memorial Day

Let us take this time to remember what Memorial Day is truly all about. It is to remember the lives of those who gave up so much so we can enjoy each and every day. It is to remember those who have passed. It is to honor those who served. I am grateful for the times I was able to spend with my Dad and honored by the service he gave to this country. Today there is a flag placed in front of my Father's tombstone. It was placed there like all the rest by a soilder. I am grateful for his/her service. I am grateful that today that flag which my Dad served and honored, honors him.

Memorial Day

Let me start off by thanking each and every one of you who has sent me a message so far today to see how I'm doing and to let me know you're thinking of me. Each of you are true friends.

Today, yet again, was yet another teary-eyed, emotional day. A day of remembering. A day of reflection. I just got back from the Mt. Soledad Memorial's Memorial Day Ceremony. It was a wonderful and moving program. From start to finish there were tears in my eyes as well as a many others. From the playing of TAPS, to the missing man formation, to the speeches given. Each was a testament to those who have and are serving, as well as to those who are no longer with us.

Please cherish your friends and those you love each and every day. You will never know when that day will be their last.

Good Deal!!!

I am going this Thursday! Just wanted to pass this along to everyone just in case they too want to go! :)

Kirk

The Brigantine Invites You to Join

Our 40th Anniversary Celebration

Join us for the Brigantine's "40 for 40" Dinner for 2.  Enjoy our signature Swordfish or 10 oz.New York Steak Dinner, along with a Salad or Clam Chowder, and our Brigantine Mud Pie or Creme Brulee to share - just $40 per couple, Thursdays this month in all Brigantine Seafood Restaurants.  (see menu below)

Also debuting this month is our Brigantine 2007 Russian River Valley Reserve Chardonnay.  This limited anniversary bottling with 100% Russian River Valley fruit is our proudest vintage to date.  Available, while supplies last.

"40 for 40" Anniversary Menu

And for those who like to display their Brigantine spirit proudly, 40th anniversaryware t-shirts and pint glasses will be available for sale (pint glasses - with or without draft beer) in all Brigantine Family Restaurants. 

And lastly, be sure to stop into any Brigantine Family Restaurant beginning May 20th.  We're giving out anniversary gift scratchers with guest checks, while supplies last.  For more information, click on our anniversary logo at brigantine.com.

Porch Prayer

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted:
'THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!
HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'

Why Blog

A friend just emailed me asking me why I blog. This is a very good question. Surely there are a multitude of ways to share my message with others.

There are several reasons. I am constantly learning new things about myself and life in general. Most of them I journal about because they are personal. However there are other things that I wish to share but some are not necessarily appropriate to share at meetings that I attend, because they don't deal with alcoholism, they deal with life. So what am I to do? Hold my experience inside or write it in my journal so only I can grow? Or share it with the world in the hopes of helping someone else?

I choose the later of the two. Furthermore each post gets posted to my facebook profile for more people to read. This begs the question why not just post this information on facebook itself? Well unfortunatly my posts are too long to put as status updates on facebook. So that leaves me no other choice but to post them here.

I hope this answers your question.

Defeat

Who cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit that we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destruction that only an act of Providence can remove that destruction from us.

No other kind of bankruptcy is like this one. One this stark fact is accepted, our bankruptcy as going human concerns is complete.

But upon entering this lifestyle we soon take quite another view of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.

We know that little good can come to any of us unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbles himself, his life-if any-will be precarious. Of real happiness he will find none at all. Proved beyone doubt by an imense experience, this is one of the facts of life. The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our lifes can spring and flower.

When we first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached life expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as life is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our friends declared that we were the victims of an idea or concept so subtly powerful that no amout of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepening our dilemma.

Since pioneering time, none but the most desperate cases could swallow and digest this unpalatable trueth. Even these "last-gaspers" often had difficulty in realizing how hopeless they actually were. But a few did, and when these laid hold of spiritual principles with all the fervor with which the drowning sieze life preservers, they almost invariably got well.

Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could poeple take this Step?

It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our lives, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our lives even then were were no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. The the doubters we could say, "Perhaps you don't have a problem after all. Why don't you try some more self-control, bearing in mind meanwhile what we have told you about life?" This attitude brought immediate and practical results. It was then discovered that when one had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady, that person could never be the same again. Following each time, "Maybe they were right..." After a few such experiences, often years before the onset of extreme difficulties, he would return, convinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us. Pain had become our best advocate.

Why all this insistence that everyone must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice these principles unless they have hit bottom. For practicing these principles means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost noone who is still suffering can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and enerty in trying to carry this message to the next sufferer? No, the average person, self-centered in teh extreme, doesn't care for this prospect--unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive and happy himself.

Under the lash of life, we are driving to these principles and there we discover the true nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless pain from us.

--Adapted from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pages 21-24

A Spiritual Program

One of the beautiful things about 12 step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous is that they are all Spiritually based. Each of them are based on spiritual principles, when applied, help to solve our problems. Be it Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Overeating, Gambling, ad infinitum.

Since these spiritual principles can solve such deep problems such as these, 99% of the time they can also be applied to solve our other problems, both major and minor. With this in mind I am going to take the next few months to post quotes from literature of Alcoholics Anonymous and re-write them, taking out the world Alcohol or Alcoholism so that you can replace it with what is going on rihgt here and now.

Fear

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
-- Dale Carnegie

"When we let go of fear, only then, can we gracefully move from what was, into the miracle of what can be."
-- Anonymous

Love Stitches

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On examining it I saw it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for awhile! As she is a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me but I still know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.

True love is neither physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Healing Tears

I finally cried over my Dad for the first time since he passed away. Rivers of emotions and tears flowed and flowed for hours. The last time I cried like this was the day I found out that he was going to die. I remember that day well. I was in the parking lot of the naval hospital with my best friend Rene and my now X-Girlfriend, the only two people that I could count on to be there for me in times like that. Both of them sat by me and held me and helped me through it by just sitting with me, saying nothing, allowing me to cry. Their presence alone allowed me to feel loved, feel cared about, feel supported.

It felt good to cry like this. I've been wanting to do so for months now. Feeling guilty as time passes that I haven't had the emotional breakdown like that of my Mother or others that knew my Dad. It was so nice to truly feel the loss for the first time and be able to let it flow from me, leaving me emotionally drained but spiritually renewed.

Thankfully I was able to call the only person I could right now, my Mom. I am blessed that she is still around and was able to hold me and comfort me like only a loved one could. I am truly blessed.

Response to Comment on Feedburner Sucks!

There are no guarantees that Katie won't read my blog. I know that she is no longer on the email subscription list. If she was and I was posting that would be another story. If that were the case I would not be accepting her decision. Instead I would be manipulating it and trying to change it like I have in the past. This is a decision that she has made and I must focus on accepting it. Not trying to change it. In the end what will be, will be.

I know for myself I should not and can not intentionally place myself in situations where I am to be hurt. I hope and pray that she can do the same. If she chooses to seek out my blog so she can read it that is her decision. I refuse to stop living my life and sharing my experience with others out of fear of her seeing it.

Gun Saftey

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

We love his reply to the female interviewer concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop that was visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE IN TERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma' am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went momentarily silent . . . . . . and the interview was ended.

Pride

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”
--Anonymous

I came across this quote several weeks ago, and I have yet to stop thinking about it. Each of us have our own personal defects of character, shortcomings, improper instincts, issues, whatever you wish to call them. I also know that those instincts, such as pride, cause us as well as those around us to react. Sometimes that reaction is the loss of someone, sometimes someone you love.

Our instincts are the root of our problems, and it is our job and personal obligation to constantly seek the truth, and seek answers. Then correct those instincts so that we can not only live happily with ourselves but with those around us. Be that a friend, parent, sibling, or partner to name a few. So many times instincts such as Pride cause us to justify our actions and emotions. Sometimes on external conditions such as the actions of others. Invariably by doing so we pay a price be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. We can also lose friends and people close to us. Thereby not only causing us to be in pain but those who love and care about us as well.

One of the beautiful things about this quote is that you can replace the word Pride with anything and it still holds true. Here are some examples: Envy, Lust, Sloth, Greed, Fear, etc. Each of these things if not addressed will cause the same reaction to occur. Personal pain as well as pain to those around us.

Unfortunately self knowledge will not allow you to overcome these shortcomings. Only diligent action can. That action can come in a multitude of ways. For many, the 12 step programs gave the needed method to overcome not only their drinking problem but these obstacles as well. However realizing we are only human we will never reach total perfection, but we must constantly seek daily progress. Sometimes we must seek professional help. The help from someone who can give us a non-biased opinion, suggest proper actions, someone who is trained and knowledgeable about how to overcome the various issues such as these. A friend or family member will not cut the bill. I know for some of my defects of character I have had to just that. No matter how much I talked with friends and family nothing started to change until I sought professional help. Someone who would tell me the truth and not cosign my BS.

The realization that we need help sometimes is not easy, specifically if we are prideful individuals. Sometimes the only thing that can smash this personal pride is pain. That never HAS to be the case. We have nothing to lose if we seek help, but we have the world to gain.

Feedburner Sucks!

I have been using a service called Feedburner that allowed me to blog and have that blog sent to you via email on a regular basis. When I logged in to remove the X-Girlfriend from my subscription list several days ago it showed that I have no subscribers! Somehow Feedburner 'burnt' my subscriber list.

That being said, I have finally gotten around to set up the account so that all of you except for the X, will recieve the email blog updates. If you wish to unsubscribe there should be a link at the bottom of the email to do so.

If you wish to see the previous posts since the system went down you can view the blog at http://kirkholmes.blogspot.com

What is Love?

Philosophers and artists have been trying to answer that question since the beginning of mankind. And no one has yet to discover what it is. But we all know what Love is not. Love is not something you “know.” It is not like you can wake up one day and Walla! They are THE one! It is something that is nurtured, something that is taken care of. If everyone “knew” if their partner was THE one, or it was THE love there would be no point to dating. There would be no divorce, no need for therapy and counseling. Everyone would know and not question it.

Love is something you grow, and it is maintained through conversation, compromise, and understanding to list a few. Of course at times we all fall short and forget to maintain that love but if we value ourselves and our partner we get back in the ring, but sometimes we don’t because we are questioning what Love is and if we have it.

Most times in math, logic, philosophy, as well as in live we try to see answers by proving that something IS, or that something does exist. A very common example is the question if “God” exists. Although there are no physical facts to prove the existence of “God” many believe & many see “miracles” happen that could not otherwise be explained. But there is even less proof that God does NOT exist.

So sometimes the easiest way to seek answers is not to see if the theory is true, but to see if it is false. I think it is the same with Love. Few know if they are in love, without questioning it, but we all know if we are not in Love. So maybe the question is not IF I love them but rather do I NOT love them. That begs the question why do we question if we are or are not in Love. If there was an answer to that question we would once again have few problems. I think there are a multitude of possible answers all stemming from fear.

1. Fear they will miss out on something or someone better, even though they best person might be in front of them.
2. Fear they will get hurt. Love hurts at times. But the majority of the time it is an amazing experience. Disagreements in relationships always occur, however pain and hurt continues in a relationship if these disagreements aren’t dealt with right away.
3. Fear that they don’t deserve the other.
4. Fear of what others might think of the relationship or the partner. (e.g. Parents, friends, coworkers) This commonly occurs. We must always be cognizant that a relationship is between two people. Not three or four.
5. Fear of change. Fear that one will or will not change, be that oneself or one’s partner. Sometimes we all forget that change is inevitable. It truly is the only constant in the universe. We all tend to get comfortable in our lives and we resist change, however successful partners work as a team via compromise, communication etc, to build a life together that will last, and to deal with change head on.

Love is more of an action than an emotion so one of the best ways to help determine if they don’t love someone is by their actions towards them. Not with specific situations but as a whole. No one is perfect and is perfect towards their partner 100% of the time. One question that has been helpful to a lot of people is to compare your actions towards your closest friend to that of your partner. Would you do more & do you do more for your partner than you do or would for your closest friend? This same question can be applied if you question your partners love for you as well. Everyone shows love differently. Our partners don’t always demonstrate love towards us as we expect they should, but that does not mean they don’t love us.

All of this begs the question why is there so much divorce? First I think it is because we have become a throwaway society. It is cheaper to buy a new ‘one’ than fix the old ‘one.’ We have been programmed that it is ok to do just that. Although that may be true with objects or things it is not with people or relationships. With these it takes much less time and energy to fix a relationship than to start a new one. Especially the longer the couple has been together. It takes even less time to maintain a relationship than fix one. Just like a car…it’s cheaper and takes less time and energy to make sure the fluid levels are ok than it is to put in a new engine. The acceptance of divorce by society also plays into this idea as well. In the past divorce was frowned upon and not accepted. It was truly a last alternative and very rarely used or accepted. This caused couples to work through their issues with themselves and each other. This also true with the idea of marriage itself. The definition of marry is “to unite in close and usually permanent fashion” I tend to believe as time goes on that people place more emphasis on usually rather than permanent. Secondly, the false ideas that society has conditioned us with regard to love and relationships. Sometimes we fail to realize that movies are made for entertainment value. Not for the classroom. They are movies not documentaries. Third, the speed of society. With everything in the 21st century being so “instant” (Instant Messaging, Email, Internet, etc.) we believe that feelings and relationships & Love should be instant too. Again not the case. We don’t instantly fall in love after the first date, it takes time to get to know the person, communicate with them, and share all of each other with each other before Love is found.

It is impossible that one day you plant a flower seed in your garden, and the next day the plant has grown and flowered. Love is exactly the same way. When you plant a seed you have faith that it will grow if you plant it in good soil and provide it sunlight, water, and care. Love works the same way. You must have faith that it will grow as long as you provide it the nourishment it needs to flourish.

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask, 'are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.'

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful-but listen very, very closely, 'Are - my - test - results - back?'

Clay Balls

A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.

He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.

Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

Blonde Joke

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea,' and then, he said with a deep sigh ...

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.