Why

The pain still has not subsided. I loved her with all of me. She was my best friend. Someone I confided in with everything. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have learned so much about myself. But WHY WHY WHY! She knew how I felt about her getting drunk, we discussed time and time again. I told her after Jenna's party that I don't give ultimatums. That I didn't like it when she drank excessively, That she became a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That I love the Katie that goes to goes to coffee with me. But I always ALWAYS said that I never had a problem with her drinking just her getting drunk. I told her that Jenna's was a warning, a strike one in respects, I told her that one day she would find herself without me. I just wish it wasn't so! I guess looking back on the times this same thing happened since Jenna's Sunday night was in respect strike 5 or 6.

It makes me wonder if she really loved me. If she did would she have drank the way she did? would she have embarrassed me the way she did? I knew she knew how I felt I maid it clear to her. I know I loved her. I invested every waking moment and thought to her and her happiness. I know this because I'm having a hell of a time not thinking about just that. Her and her happiness.